March 4th, 2004

Good morning Mr & Mrs America and all the ships at sea!

How slow does it have to be for you to publish an article about your
Office's new toilets

This is such an amazing age, we have machines that can fill a cities vacant orifices at the rate of 100 per day. That would even satisfy Charlotte!

Awwww, now tall people are feeling the squeeze of the massive airline industry, they sue, judge says TOUGH NOOGIES! Welcome to the back of the airbus with us fatties. Buy a whole row to stretch out in like we do, or drive! DRIVE LIKE THE WIND!!!!!

Sometimes we can't even afford to do that. This planet has no gravity, IT JUST SUX!

So it goes.
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